My Pregnancy Journey - Getting Pregnant
Today I wanted to get a little personal with you all. I’ve always shared my life on my blog and as Simon and I are going through such a big life shift at the moment it felt right to jot it down. Hopefully some of you will find these pregnancy entries useful / interesting / insightful and I know I’ll really enjoy reading about them in the future.
So - Simon and I are expecting our first baby on June the 16th 2019
The Back Story
Simon and I have worked really hard to create an honest relationship, we try to discuss our problems with each other and our expectations for the relationship are usually really clear. Soon after we got married I remember telling Simon that I would love to be pregnant with our first baby at age 30. I think I was a little further on in terms of being ready than Simon was but I explained that it could be at least year until we got pregnant so it was really unlikely that is would actually happen soon. Little did we know that we would conceive the day after I turned 30! I’m not usually one for strict life plans but it does feel amazing knowing that I’m “on track”.
I know that many people struggle with having children and I really don’t want to upset anyone with our story. I’ll be sharing my honest thoughts about the whole process so please don’t continue reading if you are upset by pregnancy stories.
Me on holiday on our favourite Greek island, little did I know I was 10 days pregnant
The Negative Test
So we kinda had a plan, we weren’t using contraception anymore but we weren’t actively trying either. We were unsure when it would happen and neither of us were aware of what to expect, so we just went about our lives feeling quite casual about it all. Whilst on holiday in September I celebrated my 30th birthday (you can see my birthday post on Instagram here) and the day after we conceived. I’m still in shock that my plan was to be pregnant in my 30th year and the day after I turned 30 was the day it happened - what?!
I started to experience back cramping which I thought was strange as my period wasn’t due yet. After a few days of trying to ignore it I googled “are lower back pains a sign of early pregnancy?”. Yes, they are! I decided that I wanted to buy a test to set my mind at ease, it was still 5 days before my period but I really wanted to know either way. I took the test and it was negative.
I felt a bit disappointed but I think Simon felt neutral about it all as we weren’t trying for a baby yet. We both knew that there would be plenty of opportunities over the next year.
Cut to the end of the holiday and I’m feeling nauseas and tired. I hardly ate anything for our last meal and I really didn’t want to drink anything (super strange for me as I’m usually so hydrated). Whilst getting ready for bed Simon turned to me and said “I think you might actually be pregnant”. I initially brushed it off but the feeling that I was began to grow.
My lovely Simon on holiday
The Positive test
The day after we got back to London I went out for a run and just couldn’t shake the feeling that I was growing a baby. I ran to the chemist and bought a test, I must have looked so sweaty. As soon as I got home I took it and it was immediately positive. I was totally floored and after a few seconds of intense shock I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe it. I felt so happy but also incredibly overwhelmed - how could I be pregnant?
When Simon got home I made him close his eyes so I could surprise him. His response was “OH”. I think he was as surprised as I was and we didn’t really know how to act. The pregnancy was like an elephant in the room for about two weeks and we didn’t really discuss it. We finally got around to a chat and discussed our feelings which were very complicated. It was so much of a surprise but we also weren’t using contraception so maybe we should be so shocked? So many mixed feelings.
A Few Weeks on
After settling into the idea that we were going to be parents and the fact that our lives were going to change in so many ways we began to feel so excited and happy. The main issue was that we knew we didn’t want to live in London and it was time to move back up north. We would be leaving our entire lives behind to start afresh, a really daunting thought but the right decision for us.
Becoming pregnant is something I have wanted for a long time so not feeling 100% overjoyed straight away really confused me. I’ve realised that no-one really discusses what a challenge it can be at the very beginning. I thought that we would find out and be absolutely over the moon happy straight away, in reality our happiness was tinged with a large dose of anxiety.
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Simon and I are so ready and happy to be parents but it definitely took some time to feel settled. The next instalment is all about my first trimester which was a hellscape of pain and sickness for me. Rest assured that I’m feeling much better now but I always want to be as honest as possible. See you next time!